Category Archives: Hospitality

Hospitality is a spiritual practice involving receptivity, reverence, and generosity. It can change our lives and our communities.

Belonging Before Believing

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I’m all set up to teach an intensive 3 week class at McCormick Theological Seminary this May with my colleague Pastor Alise Barrymore from The Emmaus Community in Chicago Heights.

It’s called Belonging Before Believing: New Communities and Emerging Forms of Church. The class will run from May 13-June 3 if we get at least 6 students registered.

Week 0ne: History and Development
Week Two: Theology and Practices
Week Three: Strategies, Preaching and Worship

And here’s the full syllabus, in case you’re interested! This is a nearly complete draft, with the final syllabus being passed out at the first class: Belonging Before Believing Syllabus.

No Future

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I have a wonderful spiritual director through The Claret Center in Hyde Park. We’ve been meeting for about 8 months and focusing on how to achieve balance in my life.

In other words, how can I rest? What stops me from renewing? Why do I let my sabbath time slip so easily away? How can I change the spirit with which I go through my days?

She asked me again this week…Well, really, I ask the questions, then she says, “what do you think?”

We sit on folded blankets and cushions on the floor facing each other, and I stared at the hard wood floor for a long time before answering her.

It boils down to this. I live most of the time with my mind in the future. I am very often thinking about all the things I have yet to do. I’m being overwhelmed by the things I haven’t done and I’m asking myself when I will do them. I’m feeling that I haven’t done enough, that I won’t be able to do enough, and that I’m therefore not good enough. There’s some way I need to become, there’s some place I need to get to. That way and that place are not here yet, so there’s some future that I’m half living into, grasping for.

I am RARELY living exactly in this moment now. And so my life flies by distractedly, filled with “never enough”–a week finished, an entire season gone, a year passed, 10 years completed doing my work in ministry. But much of the time it goes so fast because I’m already living in the next minute, the next day, the next week.

What if NOW is enough? What if the whole thing is here, now? What if all of my life, it’s right here, now? All of God’s love, it’s right here now. What if there’s nothing more than this?

I have the sense that if I could stop living in the future, that my days would actually feel longer. My days would certainly be calmer. I would notice more the beauty that is all around me. I would realize what a miracle it is that not only is my heart beating, but so is yours.

This self-examination I’m sharing is not an invitation for you to worry about me. I am in spiritual direction; I’m taking care of myself. But this is an invitation to see if you identify with the anxiety of striving. As we work on all these aspects of ourselves, we work with the same issues on subtler and subtler levels.

There are two widows featured in the bible readings for this Sunday, both of whom gave something away that it seemed they needed to survive into the future. The widow of Zarephath fed Elijah from the last available meal she had for herself and her son. She was prepared to die because of the drought and consequent famine that was going on. But suddenly, there was enough food to last until the rains came. She didn’t die of starvation.

The second widow is the one who gives away her last two coins to the Temple treasury. Jesus points out to his disciples that she has put more into the treasury than the gobs of money that the wealthy are offering.

What did she put in the offering plate that was more than money?

Did she put in all her fear about the future? Did she put in any last illusion that she was in control of her future?

We can’t know what the widow felt when she gave her last two coins away. But maybe she felt free. Maybe she was living exactly in that moment, and what she had to give, she gave. Maybe her whole life was complete in that moment. And she did what was the most joyful, the most generous, the most free.

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The image is digitally manipulated by me, from a photograph by Marwa Morgan with Creative Commons license.

A Network of Friends Seeking Transformation

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I’m always amazed when I watch this video, by the huge amount of similarity we use in talking about our emerging efforts at being church in new ways.

Created in the spring of 2010 at a gathering in Minneapolis, this video features 16 really cool people doing awesome things across the country.

Each of us speaks for less than a minute in this 10-minute video, but the editor has interspersed our comments so that you easily hear the similarities (and differences) in what we’re doing.

I hear similarities of hospitality, having a posture of openness, taking the risk to fail and sometimes failing, being on a journey with people, really loving people sincerely, living a faith-kind-of-life, developing strong spiritual practices, claiming and interpreting the bible, putting ourselves into the stories, welcoming diversity, not using “church” words, dealing with conflict, being creative or not being creative, being changed by the people who show up; in other words, seeking to be transformed.

I wish I knew all these people better than I do, but I at least know them all a little bit!

The video was produced by Steve Knight, who founded The Transform Network, filmed by Wes Halula, and edited by Don Heatley.

Becoming Bully Proof

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Yesterday a good friend of mine was in a car accident (no one was injured), and the driver of the other vehicle leaped out of his car and called her a horrible string of names that can’t be repeated here.

Being in a car accident is a scary thing, for everyone involved. For a moment, you know that you are not in control. Human vulnerability is heightened. You could be injured. You could die. Things around you break. It’s scary.

But how do we respond? How do we respond to our human vulnerability? By attacking others? By flying into a rage? By becoming a bully? Will our bullying protect us from vulnerability?

And how then, do we respond to people who turn against us like bullies? This man became a bully. He attempted to prove his Powerful Nature by dominating my friend, by insulting and demeaning her. It was an act of violence, an act of hostility. It hurt her. It would hurt any of us.

Mahatma Gandhi said that when you feel humiliated by a bully, it’s a natural thing to want to slap them to “vindicate your self-respect.”* But instead of doing that, he suggested that we try to address the feeling of humiliation inside ourselves. He said that we could become “proof” against a bully’s insults. It’s a beautiful British use of the word “proof”–like a rain coat is rain proof, or a brick is fire proof.

I love the idea that we can become bully proof. But I know that it’s a life-long task! Gandhi talked about internalizing a non-violent spirit in order to become “proof” to violence.

I believe that bully-proofing begins with self-awareness of the shame and humiliation that is already inside us, learning to love and forgive ourselves again and again. For me, it has to do with accepting my imperfection and failings, and knowing that I am human and beautiful and beloved, even when I make terrible mistakes.

Usually, my mistakes are not as terrible as I fear, my imperfection is not as horrible as I dread. But that’s not the most important thing. The most important thing is extending generous hospitality to myself, even (especially) in the face of hostility directed against me.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance allow me to experience the goodness that is at the core of my being, underneath and before every bad judgement, every mistake, every oversight.

I make mistakes, but mistakes are not who I am. This awareness is the basis for feeling that I am completely capable of growing and changing–that I am valuable and deserve to be treated with respect at ALL times. All of us deserve to be recognized as having inherent worth and dignity.

Let a bully’s insults remain “in the bully’s mouth and not touch you at all,” Gandhi said.*


*You can find these quotes and more discussion of these ideas and related spiritual practices on page 139 in my book, in the chapter on “Hospitality to Enemies: Extending Generosity through Non-Retaliation.” The Gandhi quotes came originally from The Essential Gandhi: An Anthology of His Writings on His Life, Work, and Ideas, page 174. My book is Hospitality-The Sacred Art, published by Skylight Paths Publishing.

Poverty of Heart Means Openness

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The reviewer at Publisher’s Weekly described my understanding of hospitality as “capacious.” I had to look that word up! (You can read the full review on the Amazon.com site.)

Capacious means containing or capable of containing a great deal, roomy. Yeah. So, not only my book, but hospitality, too. A roomy heart and life. Capacious!

Priest and author Henri Nouwen (pronounced Now-win) wrote so beautifully about spaciousness of heart during his lifetime. One beautiful image I got from him was the understanding of “poverty of heart” as “openness” of heart. He wrote of this in his book, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life. I highly recommend this book.

Nouwen wrote,

A good host not only has to be poor in mind but also poor in heart. When our heart is filled with prejudices, worries, jealousies, there is little room for a stranger…[W]e have to remind ourselves constantly that an inflated heart is just as dangerous as an inflated mind. An inflated heart can make us very intolerant. (pg 106-7)

But how can we let go of these “prejudices, worries, jealousies” and let our hearts relax into openness? First we have to realize that we are carrying these feelings around with us and that requires self- awareness. There are lots of ways we can improve our self-awareness: through meditation practices, through talk therapy, through conversation with friends, through journaling, or any number of spiritual practices. (I write about these and others in detail in my book, along with step by step instructions to try different practices.)

Hospitality involves awareness of the self–what’s really going on inside me–as well as awareness of the other. We have to see others clearly, and not through a haze of preconceived ideas about them.

With poverty of heart we can receive the experiences of others as a gift to us. Their histories can creatively connect with ours, their lives give new meaning to ours, and their God speaks to ours in mutual revelation. (p 107)

So if we can develop the kind of poverty of heart that means uncluttered, then we will have a much greater capacity to welcome others truly. We will have a capacious capacity for hospitality.

Story Bread, connecting us

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In case you missed our new video earlier this summer, here it is again. It’s just 4 minutes long, and gives a good sense of the spirit of Wicker Park Grace!

Towards the end of the video you’ll see me breaking bread and talking about the meaning of communion. That week I called the communion bread “story bread,” which I had never done before and haven’t done since. But I like the concept.

I say in the video that this bread is a physical bread and also a story bread, a bread which you encounter through the lens of your life and the lens of the bible. “And I hope and pray that it will give you nourishment and courage at a deep level.” And so I pray!

Special thanks to Brandon Sichling who made this video about Wicker Park Grace.

It’s All about Relationship

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Every once in awhile, someone finds me on facebook to tell me what it was like to read my book. I love that and I’m so grateful that something I’ve created helps people.

Despite having “hospitality” as the title, the book is really about how to become a more loving, whole person.

One reader wrote that she found herself thinking more about relationships of all kinds after reading the book:

Just finished your book/loaned to me several months ago/ sat on the table with the stack of “to read”. Was not at all what I expected!

As the creator of several church “hospitality-outreach” programs… I expected a “How to make your church more inviting” manual.

Now that I have finished, I’m thinking more about me and my relationships, both large and small. Thank you so much for writing this book. I’m sure I will return to it often.

Writing the book helped me a lot, too. I felt like I got a lot more language for ideas that had only been vague ideas before struggling to write the book.

I love to write, but it’s hard to set aside the time! Writing this book was like being in Finals at school for a year, pretty much non-stop. Nevertheless, I do intend to write more books!

One obvious next book would be a Study Guide for Christians to go with my Hospitality-The Sacred Art. Because the book itself is written for a very broad audience, (people of various faiths or no faith), I would like to help Christians, or followers of Jesus if you prefer that language, to ground their practice of hospitality in Biblical scripture and Christian tradition.

Don’t Wait for a Gandhi

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If you have a situation that seems endless and is a negative situation, don’t wait for a Gandhi, don’t wait for a King, don’t wait for a Mandela.

“You are your own Mandela; you are your own Gandhi; you are your own King. You know your issues; you know your concerns, and you know the solution.

Rise up and do something to change your situation around.”

(Liberian Lutheran Peace Activist Leymah Gbowee discusses her feelings on receiving the Nobel Peace Prize and the role faith played in her struggle to help end the war in Liberia.)

I referenced this in my reflection at Wicker Park Grace yesterday. Watch the 3 min video here, at Odyssey Network.

Missional + Faith + Community

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Aion Tea House, Wicker Park, 2004

Wicker Park Grace was started with grants from the Presbyterian Church (USA) as a “new church development (NCD).” Seven years of annually smaller and smaller grants end this year. The initial idea was to start a church in a new way, maybe a “church without walls.” Something that would be more resonant with millennial people. Something that would draw from the roots of tradition and history, but which would continue to grow and develop new branches, new blossoms.

After 2 years meeting in coffee shops, and 6 years meeting in an art gallery, Wicker Park Grace has been rootless and wandering for 6 months, having lost our art gallery to an expanding company, building more offices. We’ve been meeting in the common rooms and fellowship halls of two different churches in two different neighborhoods. Who are we? What are we becoming? We’re no longer a “new church development,” but institutionalizing as a church does not seem like the right move for us because of the ways the structure would change and limit us.

We looked to our friends at Broad Street Ministries in Philadelphia for a new model. They came to the same turning point where WPG finds ourselves. Broadstreet serves a transient, urban population and was committed to not having membership roles. We are similarly committed. When someone shows up and participates, they’re “in.” Our friends down at the Emmaus Community in Chicago Heights talk about “belonging before believing.”

They say, “At Emmaus you can belong before you believe. You do not have to be a member to share your gifts, talents, or abilities. This church celebrates the sacraments of communion and baptism and takes the Bible seriously.” Lots of people and lots of faith communities are having these kinds of conversations.

The Presbytery of Chicago is in process of adopting a new policy manual for new church developments, and it will have a section describing the option for a community to affiliate with the Presbytery as either a new church, or as a “Missional Faith Community.” Here’s how the policy reads, in part.

A Missional Faith Community:

exists to love, serve, challenge, pray and struggle alongside the surrounding community where it finds itself called into being by God

engages a theology that is compatible with the Reformed Tradition

gathers regularly for worship, for opportunities to explore Christian discipleship and spiritual formation and to follow Jesus Christ

has a plan for spiritual and worship leadership that is appropriately equipped for leadership and faithfully compensated

has an identifiable and recognized lay leadership and a faithful and accountable governance structure

has an ongoing commitment to mission planning and to communicating a vision for ministry that may include leadership training, growth, evangelism, and a commitment to engagement with the community in which it serves

has a realistic financial plan for sustaining its ministry

Lots of this language is from Broad Street Ministries, and the Missional Guidelines from the Presbytery of Philadelphia. We’re grateful to them for documenting their work there in the Philadelphia Presbytery. And we’re grateful for the wonderful work they do in downtown Philadelphia!

We think that Wicker Park Grace will appeal to the Presbytery of Chicago in November to become the first Missional Faith Community of the presbytery. The leadership co-op of Wicker Park Grace is planning a community retreat to explore this together in October.

Looking for the Evil Within Us

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In my book on Hospitality-the sacred art, I have a chapter devoted to hospitality to our enemies. These are two words we don’t put together in our heads (or our practice) very often. Hospitality. Enemies.

The idea is very akin to the Jesus concepts of “Love your enemies,” “pray for those who persecute you.” When Jesus cried out from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do,” it’s a similar thing.

In the chapter, I outline a spiritual practice of Self-Examination because transformative spiritual hospitality is based, I believe, on honest self-awareness. This is especially important when we are faced with adversarial or hostile situations.

I rely a lot on the writings of Mahatma Gandhi and the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., in this chapter, as they were brilliant theologians and practitioners of “loving” “enemies.” Rev. King has a great sermon called Loving Your Enemies that he preached in 1957, before I was born. I relied on his sermon for inspiration and courage in writing my chapter about hospitality to enemies. Read his full sermon here.

Here is a short piece from my book:

Dr. King’s second step toward loving enemies invites us to look within for a very specific purpose. He suggested that we look for the good in our enemies and look for the evil that is in us. Dr. King described us as being split up and divided against ourselves as though a civil war were raging inside us. It is the “isness” of our present nature being out of harmony with the eternal “oughtness” that forever confronts us, Dr King said. In other words, we’re not as completely good as we would like to be.

If we can recognize that this is true within ourselves as well as within our adversaries, then we can no longer see ourselves as entirely innocent, or our adversaries as entirely guilty, or evil. There is no wholly good person, just as there is no wholly bad person. There are only human beings. When we can realize and remember our shared humanity with our adversaires, our attitude can shift, and a little compassion may even rise up within us.

If you would like to explore this particular practice, you can simply add a new step or focus to the earlier exercise of self-examination. Work your way through the same steps of imagining your adversary, and this time look for signs within yourself of hostility, hatred, disrespect, disdain, or anything that undermines the humanity of your adversary by seeing him or her as all bad. Also notice that seeing yourself as all good undermines your own humanity too, because that belief is not based in the complex reality of what it means to be human.