RevGalBlogPals Hit the High Seas

A couple of weeks ago I spent a week on a cruise ship to the Bahamas with twenty other women pastors and church educators for a continuing education study and renewal period. Our topic of study? Hospitality.  Our guest speaker? Me.

We were diverse in age, denominational affiliation, and ministry settings, but we had something significant in common—sisterhood. I felt I was with a great cloud of witnesses—women who are role models for me and for whom I am also a role model. We brought our full selves to the trip, as best as we were able, and it was wonderful to have a safe space to discuss the challenges as well as the joys of what we do as leaders in the church.

Some of the women had been ordained for 30 years, and some for just a couple of years. I was so aware of how important it is to have each other and I spoke there (in the guest speaker capacity, I mean) only with great humility, knowing that each one there brought a great degree of insight and perspective which I do not have.

But I am glad that I do have something; I did bring something valuable, and that is myself. This is what each of us brings to the world and to the cause of Love and to the evolution of humanity.

I began my presentation by talking about who I am and what I bring. I am a Myers-Briggs type INFP—Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving oriented person. And I am an Enneagram 4 (artist/creative type) with a fairly strong 5 wing (synthesizing/systematizing thinker.)

So what I brought was a systematized way of thinking about what hospitality is. I presented a framework for us to discuss and consider the ideal of hospitality. What we did together was consider how this ideal can be more fully manifest in our own lives and ministry settings. 

I must say that 20 of us together are always a thousand times smarter than any one of us alone. Thank God for that.

Choosing Love Over Doctrine

On the first night of our gathering we had a Meet and Greet at which we went around the circle and introduced ourselves and where we are coming from. One thing that really struck me were the accounts that women gave of being targeted, or getting “in trouble” somehow by reflecting honestly about theological challenges on their blogs.

I personally shared that I have been blogging less because I struggle with the public nature of my identity as a pastor and a leader, and in particular with back lash that can come from taking a public stance.

I experienced this after I published a chapter in An Emergent Manifesto of Hope  (great book, check it out.) I wrote a chapter which suggested that Huckleberry Finn is a role model for us because he chose love over doctrine. I made the huge mistake of reading a hateful attack on my character in response to that chapter. Criticism is one thing, but this was really an attack on my character, which is something altogether different.

The great thing I learned from that is the importance of not drinking poison if it can be avoided. Recently someone told me that a particular bully had mentioned me in his internet postings. My response was, “I don’t drink his poison.” I didn’t even go and read it because I know that its purpose is not to help me or us grow through sincere dialogue, but rather its purpose is to knock me down.

There are a couple of antidotes to this kind of poison. One is community. In community people who care about us can give us respectful critique which helps us grow without knocking us down. A person can say, “hmmm, interesting. I have a different perspective on that,” Or, “Have you thought of this issue, or angle or perspective?” Or, “what do you think about this part of the problem?”

Another antidote to the hate-poison is God’s love-nectar. It’s very important to drink it every day. It’s better than Popeye’s spinach.  For me the practice of Centering Prayer helps me get to it. Also, singing/chanting can remind me and help me to feel’s God’s love in my body. There’s a Taizé  song which goes, “O God, you love us, Source of Compassion.” Singing this song for a few minutes can completely change the tenor of my day.

Paul Tillich wrote of our belovedness to God, saying “[I]t is as though a voice were saying: ‘You are accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know.’” God is beyond our knowing and offers us a love which surpasses all understanding. Accepting God’s deep and abiding acceptance of us, no matter what we have done or what we are confronted with, is a spiritual practice that can heal us and give us courage to continue speaking the truth as best we know it now.

Sometimes the truth we speak is simply asking the real questions we have on our minds or naming the real confusions that are confronting us. Other times the truth we speak is naming what we believe to be the best course of action—something like I said about Huckleberry Finn: we should follow his example and where love conflicts with doctrine, we should choose love.

Honestly, that’s the best I can do.